Oh, I encountered this song, and I think it is appropriate to dedicate this songs to my best friends, and those who have helped me, especially in IB. Hope you all like it.
Lean On Me
Sometimes in our lives, we all have pain, we all have sorrow.
But if we are wise, we know that there's always tomorrow.
Lean on me, when you're not strong and I'll be your friend.
I'll help you carry on, for it won't be long 'til I'm gonna need somebody to lean on.
Please swallow your pride, if i have things you need to borrow.
For no one can fill those needs that you won't let show.
You just call on me brother when you need a hand.
We all need somebody to lean on.
I just might have a problem that you'll understand.
We all need somebody to lean on.
Lean on me when you't not strong, and I'll be your friend.
I'll help you carry on, for it won't be long 'til I'm gonna' need somebody to lean on.
You just call on me brother if you need a friend.
We all need somebody to lean on.
I just might have a problem that you'll understand.
We all need somebody to lean on.
If there is a load you have to bear that you can't carry.
I'm right up the road, I'll share your load if you just call me.
call me
call me
Call me ( if you need a friend)
Call me
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Unhappy
This past week I have been feeling really unhappy! And I do mean it! I know I never say this to anyone, not even my best friends or parents, but I do feel unhappy, I really cannot take it now, so I am gonna write it here. You can choose to stop reading here if you don't want to see me complain and complain, oh but do see the last two paragraph.
I know that I have been laughing and smiling in front of everyone this week. Everyone thinks I am satisfied and happy, oh and I do want people to think of me that way. But really, I am breaking down inside. I cannot help it, but at least I don't want to break down in front of people.
To see it as a whole, I does not enjoy my life this past week. It's not the matter of Chemistry EE, or about her. It's just that I feel very insecure about life. Insecure about things in the future. My daylight activities turn into a bad dreams, and even my sleep turns into nightmares (and I mean literally). I guess since I am a guy, I cannot really talk about this kind of thing to my best friends rite? That's why sometimes blog is very useful.
I guess it is not the matter of having friends or status or great CCA and academic. I feel that the past few months I am like looking for "apples" (read the poem The Apple Picking by Robert Frost). I guess, it is really true, the higher you climb, the harder the ladder will swing and the boughs bend, and yea, I do feel insecure. Insecure of losing what I have now, insecure of losing my best friends, my CCA, my achievements, etc.
I can feel the pressure inside, not only because of IB (school is only a part of it). I guess the problems that struck me lately also have an impact. I am scared and scarred. I feel like sitting on the ladder which I am climbing, the ladder of life.
I guess, I realize something. I feel void inside, the inside of me is crying to be filled. I guess, I have been far from God these past weeks. I have been very busy concentrating on other stuffs that I don't really think about Him. It is true, indeed very true that without Him, you are just a void container that looks alive, but dead in the inside. I am dead in the inside, feeling left out. I guess, the world cannot fix my situation right now, not friends, not family, not even achievements or money. The one thing that I need right now, is Him.
I just want to hear that still small voice saying, "Ivan, I still love you the same", and I do mean that. God has a distinct voice that none can express, and I dare to say that the world cannot give me that sense of security and pleasure as God does.
I know that I have been laughing and smiling in front of everyone this week. Everyone thinks I am satisfied and happy, oh and I do want people to think of me that way. But really, I am breaking down inside. I cannot help it, but at least I don't want to break down in front of people.
To see it as a whole, I does not enjoy my life this past week. It's not the matter of Chemistry EE, or about her. It's just that I feel very insecure about life. Insecure about things in the future. My daylight activities turn into a bad dreams, and even my sleep turns into nightmares (and I mean literally). I guess since I am a guy, I cannot really talk about this kind of thing to my best friends rite? That's why sometimes blog is very useful.
I guess it is not the matter of having friends or status or great CCA and academic. I feel that the past few months I am like looking for "apples" (read the poem The Apple Picking by Robert Frost). I guess, it is really true, the higher you climb, the harder the ladder will swing and the boughs bend, and yea, I do feel insecure. Insecure of losing what I have now, insecure of losing my best friends, my CCA, my achievements, etc.
I can feel the pressure inside, not only because of IB (school is only a part of it). I guess the problems that struck me lately also have an impact. I am scared and scarred. I feel like sitting on the ladder which I am climbing, the ladder of life.
I guess, I realize something. I feel void inside, the inside of me is crying to be filled. I guess, I have been far from God these past weeks. I have been very busy concentrating on other stuffs that I don't really think about Him. It is true, indeed very true that without Him, you are just a void container that looks alive, but dead in the inside. I am dead in the inside, feeling left out. I guess, the world cannot fix my situation right now, not friends, not family, not even achievements or money. The one thing that I need right now, is Him.
I just want to hear that still small voice saying, "Ivan, I still love you the same", and I do mean that. God has a distinct voice that none can express, and I dare to say that the world cannot give me that sense of security and pleasure as God does.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
My History Note (I am an Introvert!!)
Haha, I think putting up a story of my history, of what I had experienced before.
I think for this time, I want to talk about my past that explains my introvert behavior.
For many of you this fact may not be known, but I am raised in my primary school days with a single parent (my dad), since my mom died of cancer last 12 years. So I have been living with single parent of like almost 7 years before my dad remarried with my stepmother that brings 3 of my sisters. I am raised in the environment with lots of girls, that's why when I came to Singapore for the first time, entering a boys school, I really feel left out, cause I really don't have many good friends that are guys. It's a tough start for me.
I have a super good friend, as like my older brother (He is 6 years older than me!), before I went to Singapore, he is diagnosed with a cancer in his stomach. 1 month before I went to Singapore to study, he gone through his fourth stage of cancer. Doctors predict that his life can only extend to the first January 2008. I turned to be a super emo person at that point of time. I am thinking whether cancer will take precious people around me away from me. I prayed for him everyday, drying my tears off my eyes.
He is the first best friend I ever had. Since in my lower secondary school days, my friends do not really care. I enter a school full of rich people. Super frustrating, they all have their gang and they only think of me as a helper to their school work (I am really sorry if it is not, but I really think that way at that time). So I feel like my trust is betrayed after some time, and since then, I become introvert, especially to guys.
You all may not know it, but when I first come here, I am always afraid of being alone. I don't really talk to anyone about this though. My first group of friends are the Surabayans that come to Singapore like Steven, Clifford, and Liauw. This expands as I get to know those from Bandung since we go on an outing together. I get to know many people. The first person I get close to is Lucky. Oh, then I get to know Heizel and Sunson as my classmates.
God really brings me here to teach me many things, and one of the things I learned is to make friends with many people. My relationship with friends stays at one of my top values in life. I really thanked God that He brings me here. I get to know many wonderful people and fun people.
On the last note I want to say thanks to:
those who hated me, you have enlarged my heart
those who loved me, you have make my life fun and bright
those who support me, you have definitely changed my life
those who try to bring me down, you have teach me to be stronger
those who envy and jealous to me, you have give me great self esteem
those who compliments me, you have given me confidence
those whom I shared my life story with, you have definitely become one of my good friends
God, for You have shown me Your great plan over the years
I think for this time, I want to talk about my past that explains my introvert behavior.
For many of you this fact may not be known, but I am raised in my primary school days with a single parent (my dad), since my mom died of cancer last 12 years. So I have been living with single parent of like almost 7 years before my dad remarried with my stepmother that brings 3 of my sisters. I am raised in the environment with lots of girls, that's why when I came to Singapore for the first time, entering a boys school, I really feel left out, cause I really don't have many good friends that are guys. It's a tough start for me.
I have a super good friend, as like my older brother (He is 6 years older than me!), before I went to Singapore, he is diagnosed with a cancer in his stomach. 1 month before I went to Singapore to study, he gone through his fourth stage of cancer. Doctors predict that his life can only extend to the first January 2008. I turned to be a super emo person at that point of time. I am thinking whether cancer will take precious people around me away from me. I prayed for him everyday, drying my tears off my eyes.
He is the first best friend I ever had. Since in my lower secondary school days, my friends do not really care. I enter a school full of rich people. Super frustrating, they all have their gang and they only think of me as a helper to their school work (I am really sorry if it is not, but I really think that way at that time). So I feel like my trust is betrayed after some time, and since then, I become introvert, especially to guys.
You all may not know it, but when I first come here, I am always afraid of being alone. I don't really talk to anyone about this though. My first group of friends are the Surabayans that come to Singapore like Steven, Clifford, and Liauw. This expands as I get to know those from Bandung since we go on an outing together. I get to know many people. The first person I get close to is Lucky. Oh, then I get to know Heizel and Sunson as my classmates.
God really brings me here to teach me many things, and one of the things I learned is to make friends with many people. My relationship with friends stays at one of my top values in life. I really thanked God that He brings me here. I get to know many wonderful people and fun people.
On the last note I want to say thanks to:
those who hated me, you have enlarged my heart
those who loved me, you have make my life fun and bright
those who support me, you have definitely changed my life
those who try to bring me down, you have teach me to be stronger
those who envy and jealous to me, you have give me great self esteem
those who compliments me, you have given me confidence
those whom I shared my life story with, you have definitely become one of my good friends
God, for You have shown me Your great plan over the years
Monday, July 19, 2010
Post that is written with tears (not my tears alone, but together with His)
Today I am really sad.
When I walked to the EE supervisor list, I found out that I get a secondary school teacher. I am terrified, and I almost make a super wrong decision to change subject. But luckily, I don't, I just don't feel like giving up.
These past view days have been tough for me, although people always see me laughing around, joking around, and all, the truth is I am facing problems in life. I cannot say that they are big problems or what, but it does affect my life. So, the past few days I have been talking to one of my best friend and ended up complaining and comparing with him. He takes it all without any single complaints hearing all my stories. I really thank God for him, and I pray that I can also be as strong as him. I do hope that I can do the same to him also!
Oh, back to my EE, when I started complaining to God automatically at the chemistry lab, He said something that awakens me.
He said:
"Is your supervisor so important to You? Don't you say you trust Me in your schoolwork? Can't you believe that with any supervisor, you can do well for EE, if I am in favor with you? I thought you raised up your hand yesterday when you said that I can bring trials to your life? So why are you complaining now? Isn't my love sufficient to carry you through life?"
Oh to tell you the truth, It calms me down. When I reach my room and my bed, I hear His voice again, "Don't worry, everything will be okay. Haven't you seen it throughout your entire life? Have I disappoint you before? This time again, I will be by your side, so no one can bring you down."
To tell you the truth, the time when I heard this and write this, I CRIED! It's just great to have Him in my life. Not just that, He also gives me a best friend that stand by my side, and I thank Him for both.
Psalm 23: 4
Although I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil; For You are with me.
I don't think I walked through an experience as bad as the valley of death, but this really shows how much King David has trusted the Lord, and I shall do the same. For He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
When I walked to the EE supervisor list, I found out that I get a secondary school teacher. I am terrified, and I almost make a super wrong decision to change subject. But luckily, I don't, I just don't feel like giving up.
These past view days have been tough for me, although people always see me laughing around, joking around, and all, the truth is I am facing problems in life. I cannot say that they are big problems or what, but it does affect my life. So, the past few days I have been talking to one of my best friend and ended up complaining and comparing with him. He takes it all without any single complaints hearing all my stories. I really thank God for him, and I pray that I can also be as strong as him. I do hope that I can do the same to him also!
Oh, back to my EE, when I started complaining to God automatically at the chemistry lab, He said something that awakens me.
He said:
"Is your supervisor so important to You? Don't you say you trust Me in your schoolwork? Can't you believe that with any supervisor, you can do well for EE, if I am in favor with you? I thought you raised up your hand yesterday when you said that I can bring trials to your life? So why are you complaining now? Isn't my love sufficient to carry you through life?"
Oh to tell you the truth, It calms me down. When I reach my room and my bed, I hear His voice again, "Don't worry, everything will be okay. Haven't you seen it throughout your entire life? Have I disappoint you before? This time again, I will be by your side, so no one can bring you down."
To tell you the truth, the time when I heard this and write this, I CRIED! It's just great to have Him in my life. Not just that, He also gives me a best friend that stand by my side, and I thank Him for both.
Psalm 23: 4
Although I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil; For You are with me.
I don't think I walked through an experience as bad as the valley of death, but this really shows how much King David has trusted the Lord, and I shall do the same. For He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Woo hoo! Results out!
Yep2, results were released today! Somehow I don't really feel like super anxious or whatsoever or even a tiny bit of fear. I guess it is because of Him, I proudly say that the peace that I have is not because of my confidence in my performance or what, but it is solely because of His peace that transcends all understanding.
Yeah! I got a good 35 points. (I am sorry, but I am not revealing my details here, hahaha)..
But seriously, once again, it is solely because of Him, and I am proud of having Him in my life.. But I think I am still guilty of something, I am guilty of not being brave enough to tell everyone that it is really not my work but His. So I want to reveal the truth here, that all my work are NOTHING, compared to His great love and faithfulness that enables me!
I want to end this post by a quote from one of my friend's status I saw: (Grace Ann)
Yeah! I got a good 35 points. (I am sorry, but I am not revealing my details here, hahaha)..
But seriously, once again, it is solely because of Him, and I am proud of having Him in my life.. But I think I am still guilty of something, I am guilty of not being brave enough to tell everyone that it is really not my work but His. So I want to reveal the truth here, that all my work are NOTHING, compared to His great love and faithfulness that enables me!
I want to end this post by a quote from one of my friend's status I saw: (Grace Ann)
"how do you manage to get 35 points!?" "It's not me, it's all Him."
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Life not so forgiving
I think it's really time for me to see life from another perspective. After the sermon about tests in life, the real test really comes to me from today.
It started out with envy, it is true that when you are under pressure, you tend to think of other people having a better life than you
Second tests come in school work. I am really scared of my school; fears of not doing well covered me like mad. I do not know why it comes. Other that school is CCA, I know I am struggling in my dance. I really lagging behind and the fact itself pressurizes me greatly.
The last tests are about "it". Shall not elaborate the things, I am trying to figure out things now.
God, really help me in these times. I am pressurized now. I want to have the spirit of Caleb in Numbers 14:24. Help me to just trust in You. Finally, I want to ask anyone who read this post: "please, please pray for me", I do really hope my good friends can support me during this period of time.
:(:(:(:(:(
It started out with envy, it is true that when you are under pressure, you tend to think of other people having a better life than you
Second tests come in school work. I am really scared of my school; fears of not doing well covered me like mad. I do not know why it comes. Other that school is CCA, I know I am struggling in my dance. I really lagging behind and the fact itself pressurizes me greatly.
The last tests are about "it". Shall not elaborate the things, I am trying to figure out things now.
God, really help me in these times. I am pressurized now. I want to have the spirit of Caleb in Numbers 14:24. Help me to just trust in You. Finally, I want to ask anyone who read this post: "please, please pray for me", I do really hope my good friends can support me during this period of time.
:(:(:(:(:(
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Exammm!!! U are over!!
Phew! Exams are finally over! To tell you the truth, I enjoyed quite a bit of the exam time, not because of the paper (duh -____-), but because of something else. Whenever I had exams, especially the major ones, I always think of a battle, a battle to be fought together with God, not alone! That's why I enjoyed it, it is a platform for me to get closer to Him!
I really thanked God that this exam is over, even though some of the papers are quite badly done (T_T) but nevermind, I have done my best and I know that God is with me, so whatever results I will get, I will promise that I will thank Him. Owh, and the last day of exam which is the Friday was quite a fun day also!
I started off the day with the papers (duhhhh!) and then I went for a "bible study" group in the school where a group of people meet up together to pray and worship and share! I heard many interesting stories from different people! After that, I went for a movie! Yay!
To tell you the truth, I am not a big fan of the twilight series, but I think the movie is good!! (although I am not particularly interested in the love scenes), but I think it is cool and watching it is definitely worth it!
Other than movie and watching soccer (I think for the first time I enjoyed watching the match, coz got so many goals), I also enjoyed much of going for Dr. AR Bernard Sermons!!
First he talked about the choices to be made mentioning that we must grow in the 4 aspect as we are BioPsychoSocialSpiritual people! The next sermon was easier than the previous, but still it brings impact to me as he teaches about marriage and putting others' need first! Owh, and the communion support service was quite fun as I was able to see my friend John, after sooo long, like 2 months? Yup and he is still as nice as the last time we met! :D
Wooo! and the last one was going out for sakae buffet with my friend: Adit, Heizel, and Deiver! Such a hilarious night as we went there to eat much, in the end, forcing ourselves to finish the food which we order! Hahaha.. Adit cannot take it and vomited, but the funny thing is that another old man was vomiting too, after eating Sakae.. wonder what happen though!
Anyway, I really have fun these three days, thanks to all my friends, but most importantly GOD! that has carried me through the exam period and let me enjoy my post-exam period!
I really thanked God that this exam is over, even though some of the papers are quite badly done (T_T) but nevermind, I have done my best and I know that God is with me, so whatever results I will get, I will promise that I will thank Him. Owh, and the last day of exam which is the Friday was quite a fun day also!
I started off the day with the papers (duhhhh!) and then I went for a "bible study" group in the school where a group of people meet up together to pray and worship and share! I heard many interesting stories from different people! After that, I went for a movie! Yay!
To tell you the truth, I am not a big fan of the twilight series, but I think the movie is good!! (although I am not particularly interested in the love scenes), but I think it is cool and watching it is definitely worth it!
Other than movie and watching soccer (I think for the first time I enjoyed watching the match, coz got so many goals), I also enjoyed much of going for Dr. AR Bernard Sermons!!
First he talked about the choices to be made mentioning that we must grow in the 4 aspect as we are BioPsychoSocialSpiritual people! The next sermon was easier than the previous, but still it brings impact to me as he teaches about marriage and putting others' need first! Owh, and the communion support service was quite fun as I was able to see my friend John, after sooo long, like 2 months? Yup and he is still as nice as the last time we met! :D
Wooo! and the last one was going out for sakae buffet with my friend: Adit, Heizel, and Deiver! Such a hilarious night as we went there to eat much, in the end, forcing ourselves to finish the food which we order! Hahaha.. Adit cannot take it and vomited, but the funny thing is that another old man was vomiting too, after eating Sakae.. wonder what happen though!
Anyway, I really have fun these three days, thanks to all my friends, but most importantly GOD! that has carried me through the exam period and let me enjoy my post-exam period!
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